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Brick No147: How To Have A Number One The Easy Way
By Matt Weston, Thursday 2 June 2005 How To Have A Number One The Easy Way It's a little known fact that I spent some time in my early twenties managing a band. I have only one regret, and that is that I didn't read this at the time. "The Manual: How To Have A Number One The Easy Way" ships with this mighty money-back guarantee: "We guarantee that we will refund the complete price of this manual if you are unable to achieve a number one single in the official (Gallup) UK charts within three months of the purchase of this manual and on condition that you have fulfilled our instructions to the letter." It was first published in 1988 - by KLF publications. The KLF, you may or may not recall, were also known as The Timelords, The Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu, and Rockman Rock And Kingboy D. Or Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty if you prefer real names to stage names. And they hit the top spot twice: in 1988 as The Timelords, with "Doctorin' The Tardis", and in 1991 as The KLF, with "3 A.M. Eternal". How To Start A Business With No Money If you read between the lines, The Manual could just as easily carry the subtitle How To Start A Business With No Money, as How To Have A Number One The Easy Way. According to Drummond and Cauty, the product, i.e. the record, is just a process. And The Manual is just a very detailed set of instructions to help you complete it. If you wanted a chart-topping record the easy way in 1988, there were orthodoxies you had to figure out and follow religiously, like: make it four beats to the bar; just under 3'20 minutes; no song with a BPM over 135 will ever have a chance of getting to No1; the lyrics for the chorus must never deal with anything but the most basic human emotions. Dissect Steve Wright In The Afternoon - and Sunday's 4-7pm Top 40 Show, hosted by Bruno Brookes. In fact, the only part of The Manual that isn't about following a formula is the part on money. Take this quote for example: "Having no money sharpens the wits. [It] forces you never to make the wrong decision." Here, the creative juices aren't wasted on recording the record! (You just stay with the formula.) Instead, creativity is lavished on the financing. Most would-be record industry moguls make the mistake of thinking that the creative part of having a No1 is recording the record. It's not. It's finding increasingly innovative and unorthodox ways to finance a hit with no money. The KLF way was to negotiate favourable downtime deals (2-10am) with studio managers; profit shares with publicists; pay later deals with solicitors and accountants; and a 20k advance from the distributor to pay for a video. You've probably worked out by now where I'm headed with this. Like it or not, most of us make the same mistake as the would-be mogul. We think the only creative work is work developing our products and services. We're wrong! We think of financing as a checklist of options, usually provided by a bank or a dullard author: loans, overdrafts, credit cards, remortgages, VC-money, etc - all orthodox options that involve taking on debt or giving up equity. In fact, shouldn't true upstart businesses think about financing in the same unorthodox way as the KLF did? If you want a Number One the easy way, you get your suppliers and customers to help you finance it. And the same can just as easily apply to starting a business with little or no money. (Examples in today's bric-a-brac.) Pop Picker Before I leave you today - a word of thanks to Chris Bourn, who used to front the band I used to manage. By happy coincidence, CB is also the sometime editor of the Pick Me Up email. And I have the link meisters at Pick Me Up to thank for the link to "The Manual: How To Have A Number One The Easy Way". Even better, they also linked to this article on the guy who read "The Manual", sold two million records, used the money to move to LA, and then invented the 3-second Intel jingle. Bric-A-Brac (1) 1,000 UNORTHODOX WAYS TO FINANCE A BUSINESS. Starting today, I'm collecting first-hand, second-hand, and third- hand stories, examples, and ideas you have on today's riff. I'm expecting the accountants, financial sages etc to weigh in with their fair share btw. Send them here. Perhaps I should start the ball rolling with these . . . No1: A story about how hosting company, TextDrive, raised 40k in 75 hours from 200 customers. And No2: www.fundable.org. A beta service that allows groups of people to pool money to raise funds. (2) SPEAKING OF ACCOUNTANTS. I regularly get emails asking who we use to do our books. And now is probably a good time to give him - Ian Marlow - a mention, as it's that time of year again. At least three people have told me that he doesn't *look* like an accountant. What more can I say? If not Ian, use one of the other Brickies. Remember to sign up: back to top |
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